Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

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SteveHopwood
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

I was walking along the corridor on my way out of school this afternoon when a very little girl walked up to me and waved an envelope under my nose. I have never seen this child before except perhaps as one of the general mass of year 7 children who sang in the carol concert just before Christmas. Maybe she recognised mine as a friendly face.

"This is my school report" she announced.

"Excellent," I replied. "Is it a good one?"

"I don't know" came the reply. "I have to let my mum open it."

We walked side by side along the corridor. The rest of the exchange is an alternation, starting with her:

"I had pizza for lunch."

"Lovely. What did you have on top?"

"Peperoni. And cheese, of course."

"Sounds good. Was it nice?"

"Oh yes. They do very good pizzas here. <short pause> I cannot find my PE kit."

"That is a shame. Did you need it today?"

<With massive patience> "Yes. I had PE."

"Did you have your kit then?"

"No. That is when I could not find it."

"Hmmm. Did you bring it with you this morning?"

<More massive patience. Clearly dealing with an idiot.> "Yes. I had to. For PE."

"So you had it in your form room first thing?"

"Yes."

"But not by the time you got to your PE lesson?"

"No. I must have left it somewhere. What shall I do?"

I confess to starting to feel a certain amount of strain at this point, not having a clue what she should do but having to come up with some sort of solution or other. The rest of the exchange starts with me:

"Either you left it in your form room, in which case it will still be there, or you left it somewhere else. If you didn't leave it in your form room, then someone has probably handed it into reception."

<In an 'ok, but what should I do' sort of voice> "Ye-e-sss?"

"I tell you what. Go back to your form room and see if your kit is in a corner of the room. If not, come down to Reception and tell them what has happened. They will know what to do."

<Big broad smile> "Ok. Bye."

Off she skipped, back the way she came.

:xm:
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

Everybody loves a story at my expense, so here is one about the best put-down I have endured for quite a long time.

Dominic is a searingly intelligent 12 year old. After subjecting him to the usual volley of insults I asked, "Shall I stop insulting you now?"

Came the reply, "Naaah. You might start saying something useful, and then I would have to start listening to you."

Brilliant. That was a high five moment.

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

Dominic again. I am becoming very fond of this young man.

Some background. Discipline at school is strict but not harsh. It is aimed at creating a calm atmosphere. For example, it is rare for a large number of children to be walking the corridors without a member of staff in attendance. Children wandering the corridors unaccompanied are always challenged by staff members - not harshly but remorselessly. I do not recall ever hearing a teacher shout at a pupil.

There is a BLUE form system in place to deal with minor infractions. B = behaviour; L = late for class; U = some sort of school uniform infraction. Not a clue what E stands for. An accumulation of 3 blue forms during a half-term results in a detention. The principle is adopted by all schools everywhere in different forms and it is this: give the teens something minor to kick against and they will not kick against something serious - drugs, or knives for example.

We peri's are expected to fill in an amended form if: the child is more than 5 minutes late; absent altogether.

Dom turned up for his lesson 10 minutes late. Kids at the school are expected to be able to get themselves to extra-curricular lessons by their own initiative. I showed him a blue form and asked, "Give me good reasons not to fill this in as late attendance." I do not want to fill in one of those blasted forms for a child who actually turned up for a lesson.

Bear in mind that Dom's lesson was first thing in my afternoon and during his Tutor period. Morning and afternoon classes start with a Tutor period. This is an opportunity to pass on notices and is also a major part of the school's calming of teens before beginning serious lessons.

Dom thought for a few seconds. Imagine that-every-word-in-his-reply was separated by a hyphen so he had time to think in between words.

D: "I was reading a book."
Me:"Yes......?"
D:"I was really enjoying it."
Me:"Yes......?"
D:"Um. My tutor said at the start that he would send me to my piano lesson."
Me:"Yes......?"
D:"He got involved with other kids in the class."
Me:"Yes......?"
D:"He forgot me. I was engrossed in the book."
Me:"Yes......?"
D:"He suddenly remembered and sent me here."
Me:"Thanks Dom. All I needed" and threw away the dreaded Blue Form.

It turned out that my next victim was absent, so he even got a full piano lesson. :clap: :clap: :clap:

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

Tamsin did not turn up for her lesson last Thursday and I subsequently saw her in school that day. It is easy to miss a lesson. A child becomes engrossed in what she is doing and simply forgets. Not exactly a capital crime.

I try not to miss an opportunity for a tease. Nikki came for her lesson this afternoon. Nikki and Tamsin are very good friends. Nothing that teen friends like better than inflicting grave cruelty upon their pals, so: "Would you like to wind up Tamsin?" I asked Nikki.

"Oh yes pleeeeeaaaassssse" came the reply.

I explained about Tamsin missing her lesson etc and said, "Tell her I saw her in school later that afternoon, that I am furious and that she has a very unpleasant interview coming up with me."

"Oh yes. Yes yes yes."

Bear in mind that Tamsin is on the very mild end of the Autistic scale and so is less able to recognise a tease than most children, so I added the rejoinder at the end of our session, "Remember what Tamsin is like and do not keep the tease going for too long or she will be too scared to come to her next lesson."

On her way out, Nikki turned and asked, "How long shall I keep the wind-up going?"

"30 minutes tops" I replied.

"Ok, so at least a day." She grinned evilly at me and dashed out of the room.

No, of course she will not keep it up for an entire day, but Nikki is very bright and recognises the opportunity for a reverse wind-up when the opportunity arises.

Wonderful creatures, clever teens. :lol:

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

Another Dominic story for you. I am becoming seriously fond of this young man. I know that he is about to arrive when his smile pitches up about 10 seconds before the rest of him does. :lol:

Remember the BLUE forms? I had established that: B=behaviour; L=late for a lesson; U=some sort of uniform infraction. I could not work out what 'E' stood for.

D announced, "Sorry but I have not had much time to practise this week. We have exams coming up so I had to revise, then there was far too much homework given that we were supposed to be revising."

The only B he got for exams last year was for French, which he hates. Everything else was A or A*, results that bring with them their own pressures in subsequent years. He played his trump card.

"I am sure you understand why I want to do equally well this year."

Ha. I had him on toast. I realised that the E must stand for Effort.

I flourished the BLUE form and announced, "Got you. The 'E' in BLUE must stand for 'effort'. You have made none, so I can BLUE form you." I was confident he had an escape. He did.

He gave me the pitying look reserved by children dealing with moronic adults and intoned, "Actually, 'E' stands for 'Equipment'. We get BLUE formed if we forget anything we need to bring to our class. I have brought my piano book, so you cannot BLUE form me." :clap: :clap: :clap:

It is a game and it is good fun. I will win one day, but have an easy get out of actually issuing the form. So far, he has defeated my attempts to BLUE form him 3 times. Suppose I win next week - yes, highly unlikely I know, but just suppose? In the ridiculously unlikely event that he does not come up with a get-out himself, I merely announce that he is winning the BLUE from battle 3 to 1 and that it is unfair to issue one until I am ahead - and that is never going to happen. :lol:

He could have said nothing about not practising and got away with it as his playing was impeccable, so I mentioned this. He replied, "I had some time left at the end of my Geography lesson, so I did some practise in my head." All he needed.

For those of you who do not play a musical instrument, those of us who do can visualise the instrument in our heads, and move our finger muscles as we would do if we were playing a real instrument. That is what Dom did and that is why his playing was so good. Nice one, fella. :clap: :clap: :clap:

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

I was presented with Owen about this time last year, as a year 10 GCSE music student needing to prepare performances for his year 11 exams. Year 11 is the normal time for kids in the UK to take their first tranche of public exams; they are aged 16. Year 9/10 is where they start the build up to the exams.

Owen did not and still does not read music. Let us leave discussion about the lunacy of being able to take exams in a subject in which an individual is illiterate to another occasion. My job at the school is to do the best I can with the students presented to me.

Owen is socially inadequate. He appears on the surface to not be very bright but that could simply be because of his personality. Or lack of it. He is perpetually in trouble in school because he appears to hate everyone and everything in it except for the music teacher and, by extension, me.

His trouble making is happily not sufficient to get him expelled from school. He does not spit at staff, for example, or try to knife fellow students, or try to burn down the building. Or maybe the school sees more promise in him than is visible on the surface. Let us hope so.

So there I was this time last year presented with a non-reading non-pianist who had never had a piano lesson in his life and the brief to prepare him for the performance section of his GCSE music. Top marks in this section would usually be gained by someone with at least five years of instrumental tuition and progress behind them.

Great. Whoope-doo. :arrrg:

It turned out that Owen has a colossal natural attribute. Musicians describe it as, "A good ear". Hard to define, but these people hear music more distinctly and accurately than others and are able to reproduce them on an instrument. He was able to play me a few short thingies he had learned 'by ear' off the internet.

The long-term approach to Owen would be to take time, teach him to read music and gradually develop his ability to learn independently. This would have been no help to a child needing to prepare one solo and one ensemble piece at approx Grade 4-5 standard inside inside 15 months instead of the normal 5 or so years.

I started teaching Owen pieces by rote. I would play a tiny bit several times and he would copy. We have one 20 minute lesson a week. Imagine how long it takes to teach even a short piano piece by rote when that is all the time we had together unless I could cobble together the occasional extra lesson - not easy given the epic periods of time that Owen spends in 'isolation' for bad behaviour. :arrrg:

Another thingy emerged in this child's favour - persistence. Other teachers at the school tell me that when not in isolation (i.e. separated from the rest of the school for causing trouble) or in a lesson, Owen is to be seen practising what I have taught him. They hear the same stuff over and over again - then it is extended by a few seconds each week.

It is an exhausting way to both learn and teach. We succeeded. We started with a tiny Bach minuet. We moved on to a harder piece of Haydn. We completed the solo leg of the journey with a jazzy style piece by Mike Cornick that is just about of a standard to attract maximum marks. The performance is recorded, marked by the music teacher and eventually sent off to the exam board for moderation.

That took us to half way through last term. Time to embark on an ensemble. This can be playing as a duo in, say, a Beethoven sonata for violin and piano, or a piece of Romantic Lieder - a song where singer and pianist are equal partners.

Something like that is so far away from Owen's ability to learn that the idea was ludicrous, so we embarked upon a piano duet. I taught him the Berceuse from Faure's Dolly Suite - "Listen with mother" to those of us Brits of, ahem, a certain age. Anybody under about 55 forget it. You will not get the reference.

With increasing confidence came increasing ease of learning so the duet progressed quickly. I gave Owen a Youtube link to the Labeque sisters playing it and he clearly listened to it obsessively - he could already 'hear' what I was about to teach him.

We got a recording of the duet 'in the can' today. Owen played beautifully. He shaped phrases. He took the musical lead sometimes. He followed mine at others. Brilliant stuff.

Fingers crossed that the success he has enjoyed in this aspect of his life gives him some pointers for progressing. Let us hope that he has gained levels of self-esteem that he lacked before - I think he has and so does the school music teacher.

I can have no influence over the next 90 years of Owen's life. I hope that the little influence I have now will help him deal with those years productively and happily.

I always love it but sometimes my day job is especially rewarding.

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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SteveHopwood
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

I finally got Dominic. I had him on toast.

He did not turn up for his lesson, so I wandered up the corridor to the guitar teacher who was also sans victim. He is aware of my ongoing game with Dom. We chatted for 15 minutes until we became aware of a huge smile with a diminutive figure attached, hovering in the doorway.

Yep, it was Dom. I was overjoyed. I would rather see him for a single minute than not at all. He is utterly gorgeous.

"Got you" I cried. "15 minutes late. That is a BLUE form for being late. Hah."

His body language showed that he was unsure about whether I meant it or not.

Thingy is, a BLUE issued for a child being late is a blunt instrument. There is no check into the reason the child was late. A BLUE for being late is a BLUE. Three BLUE's in a half-term result in an automatic detention.

We have all been to school. Most of us have enjoyed activities that involved having to leave lessons for periods of time. We know how easily it is to have our punctuality derailed. I am no more going to issue a BLUE for a child being late than I am to volunteer for NASA space flight training.

OK, so that sounds interesting so actually I am more likely to volunteer for NASA space flight training than I am to issue a BLUE to a cute 12 year old who is late for a piano lesson. Maybe I am missing the point of some element of school discipline here. We all know how brilliantly I can miss important points, but I do not care. IMNSHO, school discipline should never be a blunt instrument.

Back to Dom and the potential BLUE. He has a brain the size of Mars and I love watching clever kids work something out. It is a joy to behold.

So, there I was with pencil poised over BLUE and demanding, "Talk to me. Give me a good reason to not fill in this form." In what follows, a '-' indicates a space in between words, so the final sentence comes out in a rush. My intervening, "Yes?" is in a tone utterly lacking encouragement, as in, "So what? Why should I care?".

"I--was--in--science--. The--teacher--is--new."

"Yes?"

"He--does--not--always--know--that--we--sometimes--need--to--leave--our-lessons."

"Yes?"

Growing in confidence. "I-had-told-him-I-have-a-piano-lesson."

"Yes?"

"I-put-my-hand-up-to-ask-to-come-to-my-lesson.-He-ignored-me."

"Yes?"

On the home straight. Finishing line in view. In a rush, "He was busy with another group and took a long time to notice me and give me permission to leave and that's why I am late."

Game, set, match to Dom. Happily, my next victim was absent so he did get a full lesson.

This is the second time that he has used this line of reasoning to avoid being BLUE'd for lateness. Should a third arise, then I shall have to work out what to do about it in consultation with staff at the school. So far as my game with Dom is concerned, it is over and he has won. :clap: :clap: :clap:

It was only ever a game. Anything more intense is for the future.

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

GCSE music student Jordan came for a piano lesson. He has only been my pupil for a few weeks. He missed his first lesson, then had a lesson, then half term, then missed a lesson and today turned up 10 minutes late - and lessons in school are already only a pathetic 20 minutes. Nope, you did not read that wrong. 20 minutes.

He started out with, "I had to redecorate my bedroom over half term, and lost my keyboard."

And so had no idea whatsoever how to play the stuff I had 'taught' him in the single lesson he had so far managed to attend.

Bear in mind that performance is worth a third of the marks at the GCSE music exam taken by 16 year olds here in the UK. I pointed this out. Again.

"Jordan," I asked, " on a scale of 0 to 10 where 0 means totally unimpressed and 10 means totally impressed, where do you think you lie on that scale with me right now?"

"Sorry". Didn't entirely answer the question, but the grin that accompanied his answer was all I needed to let him off the hook.

"I am going to tell the Head of Music here that you are wasting my time. Go away and do some practise. And find that keyboard."

I never said I let him off the hook gently. :lol:

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

A couple of lovely stories from this afternoon. The second involves me being verbally beaten up by a 13 year old, and I know how much you all love it when that happens.

-------------------

One of the irritating things that kids often do when coming for a piano lesson is park their brains at the door. I am not entirely sure why they think that behaving like Mr/Miss Thickest Thickie from Thicksville is endearing, but a lot of them seem to. Obviously I do not hold it against them. They are children doing what children do; they are not committing a capital offence. It just slows progress somewhat.

12 Year old Maddy is an absolute Mistress of this behaviour. Last week was a classic example that should have been videoed and uploaded to YouTube as a warning to aspiring piano teachers.

I long ago escaped the Shame of the Black Hole of Calcutta and now teach in a huge room. It is some considerable distance from the door to the piano. Maddy entered and I demanded, "Stop where you are. Where are your brains today?"

"I will go and get them" she answered, turned on her heels and left the room.

She re-entered a few seconds later and announced, "Sorry. I cannot find them." :lol:

It turned out that she could not find them outside because they were still in her head, so she had a lovely and easy lesson.

-------------------

Dominic got me with a brilliant riposte this afternoon - remember he is only 13.

Come the end of the lesson I shoved his book into his hands and growled, "Shove off."

"With pleasure" came the reply. That earned a high five. Dommy is coming along very well.


:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
User avatar
SteveHopwood
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Posts: 9904
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:43 am
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Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by SteveHopwood »

Teens have No Respect for Authority these days.

Take these two recent exchanges I had with a couple of teens:

Dommy did something really stupid.
"Is it still illegal to beat 13 year old kids to a gooey pulp?" I asked.

"YES".

Can I do it anyhow?"

"NO".

Then Maddy:
"Do that again and I will stab you with the sharp end of my pencil."

<dismissive glance at said instrument of torture>

"It's blunt."

Why do I not inspire awe and fear into my charges? I try, after all. :lol:

:xm:
Read the effing manual, ok?

Afterprime is the official SHF broker. Read about them at https://www.stevehopwoodforex.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=175790#p175790.

I still suffer from OCCD. Good thing, really.

Anyone here feeling generous? My paypal account is always in the market for a tiny donation. pianodoodler@hotmail.com is the account.

To see The Weekly Roundup of stuff you guys might have missed Click here

My special thanks to Thomas (tomele) for all the incredible work he does here.
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