I have some smoked Mackerel for tea.
The pack includes this invaluable information:
Allergy advice: contains fish.
Phew, That was close. I might not have noticed.
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| Author: | cuzgeorge [ Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
You should really be over sixty to even be allowed to read this story. If you're not, just save it and read it again when you are old enough to appreciate it. A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image. Seated at the bar is an elderly fine-looking lady (mid-seventies). The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, good looking, do I come here often?" |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 6:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
I have some smoked Mackerel for tea. The pack includes this invaluable information: Allergy advice: contains fish. Phew, That was close. I might not have noticed. |
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| Author: | garyfritz [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 7:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
I've seen a jar of peanut butter with the notice "Warning: may contain peanuts." Well I b****y well hope so... |
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| Author: | ewinner [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 8:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Here's some Tesco Burger Jokes doing the rounds  I went to a Tesco café yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I wanted anything on it, and I said: ‘Yes — a fiver each way.’ Does anyone have a tooth pick? I had a Tesco burger last night and there’s still a bit between my teeth. I've got some Tesco burgers in the fridge. But . . . THEY’RE OFFFFFFFFF! My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National. Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal’s called Only Fuel and Horses. What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty. A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into a breathalyser. The machine beeps.‘I’m sorry Sir,’ says the officer. ‘You’re over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?’ ‘Nothing Officer,’ replies the man. ‘Just a burger from Tesco.’‘That explains it,’ says the policeman. ‘I knew I could smell Red Rum.’ They've found horse meat in Tesco burgers? It’s an unbridled disaster. A Tesco burger walks into a bar. ‘A pint please.’‘I can’t hear you,’ says the barman. ‘Sorry’ replies the burger. ‘I’m a little bit horse.’ I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked ‘Add to cart.’ Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony. A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her condition is said to be stable. I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse. Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which tasted better....Tesco won by a short head. I think someone may be sending me death threats. I woke up this morning with a Tesco burger in my bed. I bought an ‘award-winning’ Tesco burger. I didn't realise they meant it had won the Cheltenham Gold Cup. Personally, I think people who don’t like eating horse meat are being a bit blinkered. Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable. Are you in favour of horse meat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh? I won’t be switching to Tesco Finest burgers. They’re so expensive that buying enough for a big family dinner won’t leave you much change from a pony. Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb’s and some burgers. So that’s white rum, navy rum and Red Rum. Despite the recent scandal, Tesco insist they use only meat of the highest quality. A spokesman said: ‘Our meat has to clear several hurdles before it goes on sale.’ What’s in this burger? It just jumped over my chips. I don’t know why there’s a fuss all of a sudden. There’s been horse meat in Tesco burgers for donkey’s years. I like my burgers with a side saddle and neighonnaise. Forget the Everyday Value burgers — I only eat those mini-burgers you have as snacks You know, the horse d’oeuvres. I bought some Tesco burgers — I wanted to get venison ones, but they were dead dear. Tesco would've got away with it if it wasn't for the DN Neigh test. |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
I am a cricket fan and am watching coverage from NZ of the final Test between NZ and E, being played in Auckland. This will mean nothing to non-fans of cricket. There is a club in Auckland whose members donate $5 AU to charity every time one of their Test players scores a duck. NZ commentators appear to rate Chris Martin as the single worst no 11 ever. At the start of each Wellington Test, members of the club gather for a breakfast. Guest of honour this year was Chris Martin, who is responsible for members raising $20,000. Fantastic that being so useless at an activity can cause so much cash to be raised.  |
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| Author: | garyfritz [ Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Ah. For the non-fans in the crowd: Wikipedia sez a "duck" means he was retired with no score -- basically he struck out. So because he apparently can't hit the broad side of a barn, all his failures resulted in lots of charitable donations. Though I am confused because wikipedia also sez he was named NZ's premier cricketer in 2011, and is one of only 4 Test cricketers to have taken 200 wickets. So I don't understand how he could be the "single worst no 11 ever." Of course, I still have no idea what it means to be a "no 11." |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
There are batters and throwers - or whatever the equivalent are in baseball terms. CM is one of the best throwers in NZ cricket history. He is possibly the single worst batter in NZ cricket history. The best batters go in first; those with lesser ability as batters follow. The no 11 should be a magnificent thrower, but his batting is rubbish. Cricket batters who do not score are out for a 'duck'. A 'duck' is total failure for a batter. No redemption. Nothing good to say. He failed utterly, totally and absolutely. Therefore, CM is one of the best throwers in NZ cricket history and is justly admired as such. As a batter, he is crap. CM gained enough 'ducks' to raise a small fortune for the charities supported by that club in Auckland. Put it in my terms. I am a reasonably good ea coder (thrower) but a crap trader (batter). Not sure if this helps. Cricket is a confusing game. |
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| Author: | cuzgeorge [ Mon Mar 25, 2013 10:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Hi all, One thing i like doing is 'photo bombing', but i hate it when someone does it to me! Here's some pics i picked up from http://www.ebaumsworld.com this morning. Enjoy, cuz |
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| Author: | cuzgeorge [ Wed Mar 27, 2013 1:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed. AND PROBABLY VOTE! Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight(brilliant) Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head |
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| Author: | cuzgeorge [ Wed Mar 27, 2013 1:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
some things cant be done! My wife (the boss) sent me this. youtube video. cuz https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obwxVWXjVLw added the bumbling burglar, flip this guy is funny. Missing Asterix i suppose. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK9qlQtA0K4 enjoy, cuz Edit: removed file to allow for link. i dont think everyone wants to add add-ons. |
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