Q. How does a blind skydiver know when to brace for landing?SteveHopwood wrote:Why do blind people never go sky-diving?
Because it scares the living daylights out of the guide dog.
A. When the leash goes slack.
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| Author: | SWG123 [ Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Q. How does a blind skydiver know when to brace for landing? A. When the leash goes slack. |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Wonderful. Don't you just feel sorry for this poor bloody guide dog? Can't you just imagine its feelings as the world disappears from underneath its paws? "Oh crap, here we go again."  |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Chuckle for you....... >> >> ..................All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. >> >> >> Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen. >> >> Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. >> >> The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. >> >> After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. >> >> Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. >> >> Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.. >> >> It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. >> >> Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. >> >> Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. >> >> Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. >> >> This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. |
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| Author: | fxozgirl [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
| Author: | thomasmore [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Ineptocracy: a definition |
| Author: | peterporter [ Mon Jul 02, 2012 5:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Excellent |
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| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar... (Apparently, Stevie Wonder is actually blind) Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?" Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now." Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right." Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?" Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years." Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?" Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fair-way and again I play the ball towards his voice." "But, how do you putt" asks Tiger. "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice." Tiger: "What's your handicap?" Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer." Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime." Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?" Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?" Stevie: "Pick any night you like." |
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| Author: | garyfritz [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Pastor: "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Pastor: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?" |
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| Author: | fxozgirl [ Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
| Author: | SteveHopwood [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 10:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: some fun .. |
The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, I Have, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?" |
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