some fun ..

[SteveHopwood]

The Sea View Restaurant

A group of chaps, all age 40,

discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they

would meet at the Sea View restaurant because the waitresses there were

gorgeous, with tight skirts, perky breasts and nice bums.





Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should

meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Sea View

restaurant because the food and service was good and the wine selection was

excellent.





Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet

for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Sea View

restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a

beautiful view of the sea.




Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for

lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Sea View restaurant

because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a lift.





Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for

lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Sea View restaurant

because they had never been there before.

[SteveHopwood]

5 year old granddaughter is usually taken to school, daily, by her grandfather.

When he had a bad cold his wife took the grandchild.

That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!!

"What made it different?" asked her parents:

"Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!'

[SteveHopwood]

Much drivel here, but a few to make you smile




These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer �100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, �200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me !

__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH


Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

[cuzgeorge]

some fun;

[cuzgeorge]

some more..

[garyfritz]

Fred decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning and polishing his Harley getting ready for the next day's ride.

His wife was standing there in the garage watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke.

"Honey, I’ve been thinking. Now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit riding and fooling with motorcycles in general. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat too."

Fred got a horrified look on his face.

She says “Darling, what’s wrong?”

"For a minute there you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!” she screamed. "I didn’t know you were married before!!!"

"I wasn’t ..."

[cuzgeorge]

Having a bad day........

[cuzgeorge]

another bad day. My favourite is 26, such a nice, happy show-offy kinda looking guy, with a neat hairstyle..

[garyfritz]

Bear surprises film crew: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xoe5Vjl90-o

[thomasmore]

and trade with 2 zillion lots, stoploss at 50.000 pips....