some fun ..

[joancb]

Putzwut = ~cleaning rage

http://www.ongein.nl/video-ontvlooien-15762.aspx

That is a DOG

[SteveHopwood]

Childbirth at 65


With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked.

'Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

[Gamma_gallus]

Childbirth at 65

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

Some pics ..

http://hdwallpaperpics.com/wallpaper/pi ... colors.jpg


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ThBuAGHGt2o/T ... l_epic.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-23N3qQkTwZY/T ... res_23.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CMhkcRtCnUA/T ... -worry.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CMhkcRtCnUA/T ... -floor.jpg

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9 ... 8TRGQz-NFd


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_mmBw3uzPnJI/T ... ers_01.jpg

http://bobbylacasse.e-monsite.com/media ... e_fail.jpg

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/images/pic ... ls/ape.jpg

[SteveHopwood]

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely..
So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'

Then Adam, always looking for a bargain asked, 'What can I get for a RIB

Of course the rest is history..... .......!! !!

[Dixpat]

Thoughts on growing old

“Sixty is the worst age to be.” said the 60-year old man. “you always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year old, “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out.”

“Actually,” said the 80-year old, Eighty is the worst of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing ,too? Asked the 60 year old.

“No, I pee every morning at 6.00 I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”

“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”

“No, I have one every morning at 6.30.”

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, “You pee every morning at 6.00 and crap every morning at 6.30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”

“I don’t wake up until 7.00.”

[Gamma_gallus]

- Must watch every morning

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzb57 ... o1_500.jpg


- Huumm ..

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8j3MKuUsN-U/T ... quotes.jpg


- Absolute truth ..

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_-A4vw5BwqxA/SmcC3 ... tstone.jpg


- Trading may seem simple

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_3Xw_Rn8iH5Q/S ... rading.jpg


- Trader emotional cycles

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1WYmGdvNJmc/T ... -EngV1.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7TOFlJSKR0E/T ... Chart1.png


- A T shirt ?
http://maltahosting.net/acfx/relax-fore ... -cafepress


- I prefer this one
http://www.timothysykes.com/wp-content/ ... ng-pic.jpg

to this one
http://www.innerfx.com/media/2012/02/online_trader.png


- what 90% of the traders finally do ..
http://www.lolbrary.com/lolpics/671/sto ... b-6671.jpg

[joancb]

XD

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2720/

[SteveHopwood]

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were
staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink
willy.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual
emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink
willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in
contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and
said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert
than the curator of the gallery?", asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted the picture," he replied.
"In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just
three Irish coal miners.
The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

[joancb]

Putzwut = ~cleaning rage

http://www.ongein.nl/video-ontvlooien-15762.aspx

Is it being brainwashed or what?

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com ... 1_1280.jpg

[SteveHopwood]

I don't actually believe these are real. They tickled me, even so.



____________________________________________________________________________
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I usually just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them ... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral ...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.