Another lovely afternoon in school today. The highlight happened before I started teaching. I was chatting in the corridor with guitar teacher Paul before classes started, when fabulously-talented 15 year old guitarist JC wandered over. JC never has his shoelaces tied, so one of my fav sayings is, "Sorry to sound like your mum JC, but do your shoe laces up so that you do not trip up and break your neck."
I remember my mum saying the same to me when I was 15. Somehow, kids can walk everywhere with lethally untied shoe laces without ever tripping up over them - I did at the same age. These days, I would be rushed to A&E within a few steps of a lace coming undone; kids bounce somehow.
I studied JC's laces and one of them appeared to be undone so I made my usual demand. In fact the lace was done up but was very long and one side was flopping over. "See," he demanded as he showed us his shoe, "it is done up." Then he slowly and deliberately undid both sets of laces and asked, "Ha. What are you going to do about it?" Nothing unpleasant I promise you; this is a gorgeous kid. He was merely entering into the spirit of the game.
I am 66 at the time of writing. I grew up in a different world to that inhabited by kids today. A lot of my teachers had seen action in WW2; some would have had blood on their hands. It was taken for granted back then that a child could be slapped; a board rubber could be thrown across the room at a miscreant; a child could be caned across the buttocks or the fleshy part of the hand for really bad behaviour.
They were not cruel people and such rough justice was not often meted out - and even then only to the boys. That it could be so meted out was merely a part of our everyday existence.
Guitar teacher Paul is a good 10 years younger than me, yet still came into that age group subject to the possibility of such treatment, so we 'went off on one'.
Starting with me and alternating with Paul, the exchange went along these lines:
"Did you see that blatant disobedience?"
"Yes. Couldn't have happened in our day."
"Nope. We would have been caned. Six of the best, possibly."
<A quick aside as I had to explain to a baffled JC what I meant.> Continuing with Paul,
"In our school, a crime committed by one pupil would result in the entire class being caned." <no it didn't>
"Yep. The class had to stand with their hand stretched out to receive the blow. That included the girls." <You should have seen JC's face>
I absolutely promise that I never saw a girl struck by a teacher in my entire school time. It just didn't happen, OK? JC does not know this.
I am not entirely sure how Paul and I were keeping straight faces by this time. JC's experience is so far from the world I just described that he was clearly incredulous when Paul and I started. His face was starting to change as he contemplated the enormity of being in the same situation.
I have described before how discipline at the school is quiet yet relentless. Crimes attract retribution with the same sort of inevitability as taxes and rows with our partners. Paul and I were already aware that JC has attracted a detention for not handing in a piece of homework and was not eager to attract another. Continuing with me:
"Are we humble visiting music teachers allowed to hand out detentions?"
"Yes. I handed out two this morning." <No he didn't>.
<Glowering at JC> "So do those shoelaces up of we both give you individual detentions." <the bell went to call the kids to class>. "Your choice JC. You can do up those shoelaces now or both Sir and I send in separate detention slips. Your choice."
He looked from one to the other and back again several times, to be met by similarly demanding glares. Finally he sighed, stooped and did his shoelaces up. "Well done" we intoned gently. "off you go to your next class."
Another 5 seconds and Paul and I would have cracked.
So now I know how to defeat a teen. Gang up on him/her with another member of staff.
Come the end of the day and it was time for JC and I to gang up on Paul as we do every Thursday after school when JC helps carry Paul's equipment down to the car. JC showed me his perfectly done shoe laces and so we piled into Paul. Paul adores the kids every bit as much as I do and takes it in great heart.
Mind, I expect to have to nag about the shoelaces next week. Wonderful though they are, teens have long memories only for what suits them.
