Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

[SteveHopwood]

One from yesterday.

It had been another beautiful day here and it was a wonderful evening. Maggie from next door and a few others were sat outside further down the lane, maybe 100 metres, enjoying the sunshine, imbibing a few drinks and celebrating VE day.

Maggie is looking after her soon-to-be 7 year old granddaughter, Emily. Em was riding her bike up and down the lane and is subject to the usual instruction to take cover if there is any vehicular activity. An Amazon driver pulled up to deliver some boxes of stuff to me. Em had taken cover at the top of my drive, but behind the van and in such a position that the driver could not possibly have seen her.

So I said, "Ehup darling. Come right onto my drive so you are out of the way if the driver reverses." She moved a little bit, but nowhere near far enough. I took her in one hand and the bike in the other and led them both to total safety.

Amazon driver departed so I said, "Okay sweetheart. Off you go."

"Thanks Steve," called Maggie then, " What do you say Emily?" "Thank you Steve," came the cute response. I want to teach this one to play the piano once the lockdown is completely lifted.

[SteveHopwood]

Nothing to do with teaching but we all need a bit of a lift these days. One pleasant and one lovely incident from a few minutes ago.

Village people tend to be friendly. We are few and far between,so there is no competition for space as there is in the cities. We do not have the stress of continually needing to dodge others as we walk along the pavements.

I decided to stroll to the Coop this evening. The road crosses the canal. It swings around a sharp bend at the crossing and there is no pavement,so there is a foot bridge that allows walkers to cross safely.

I was approaching the bridge when a young man on a bicycle came around the corner and I heard him call back behind him, "There will be someone on the bridge."

I guessed there was a runner following on behind - it is a way to keep female runners safe by being accompanied by a male on a bike. I hung back and a young lady runner appeared around the corner. I moved well aside from my entrance to the bridge and gestured her forward, to save some extra metres of running.

"Thank you," they both called out as they passed.

"My pleasure," I called back to them. "Enjoy yourselves." "You too," replied the girl.

I reached the Coop just as a dad and his young daughter cycled into the car park - about 8 years old I am guessing.

Some of the staff at the Coop have been working there almost as long as I have been a customer. Linda is one of those. We enter through the bottom of the building and exit through the top after paying at the tills.

The little girl who just arrived on her bike appeared at the glass exit door, doing a double armed wave. Linda waved back and said, "That is my grand daughter."

"I will let her in," I replied and approached the door so that it would open from the inside. "Ehup sweetheart. Do you want to come in?"

Came the cute reply, "No thank you. I have to guard the bikes."

Leaving aside that there is no need to guard anything from anybody, this little dab would be unable to guard the bikes from anyone over the age of 7. Her dad was waiting to pay when I got back to the tills, so I grinned at him and said, "That is one dedicated little girl you have there."

He grinned back and replied, "Yep, and it stops her following me around the store demanding that I buy every piece of rubbish that her little eyes alight upon."

A dad with sense.

I was stood on the bridge on the way back, watching the ducks. Dad and Bike Guarder cycled past me on the way home. I called out, "You did a great job of bike guarding sweetheart." She called back, "I know. I am a master bike guarder."

Awwwweeeee

[SteveHopwood]

Not exactly funny this, although it has its dark humour so long as you are not one of its victims.

Education is in chaos here in the UK. OK, so so-called 'education' is a nonsense here but we have excelled ourselves this time.

With no exams for 16 and 18 year olds, schools were ordered to present their assessments of the grades their students should achieve.

That is easy. Teachers know their students. They know what grades they are capable of achieving and to which they have been presenting work throughout the course. The problem is that exams affect students in different ways and not all will achieve their full potential.

So our rapidly ever and ever less capable government instructed the office in charge of collating these results to come up with a computer model that would moderate these assessments in light of the results achieved by the schools in recent years.

Anybody associated with UK education for more than about 5 seconds rapidly learns this: a newly appointed rubbish head teacher turns a great school into a disaster area within weeks; a newly appointed brilliant head teacher turns a disaster area into a great school within months. OK, so years sometimes, but it happens.

So the weight given to recent years' performance resulted in some students in previously disaster area schools but which have been improving rapidly, having their teacher assessments downgraded. 40% of the entire cohort, in fact.

The universities go into top gear the instant the results are released, in this case last Thursday. They make their offers to students in the January or so previous, based on the kids GCSE results, personal statements and teacher assessments of the likely success. Students make their uni choices based on all this. Students who fail to reach the grades anticipated will have their offers withdrawn on results day, so they go into 'clearing'. This is a free for all where students snaffle up whatever is on offer in the 'lesser' universities in order to go into higher education somewhere.

Slightly chaotic, and a rearrangement of the academic year would put paid to all of this, but it works. Any student who wants a uni course and has passed at least some 'A' levels will go somewhere. It is reasonably fair as well; no point in going to an institution whose academic standards demand straight A students if all a kid can manage is 3 C's.

Here is the problem this year. The universities receive the 'A' level results a week before the students do. They use this time to confirm whom they are going to accept, whom they are going to reject and to whom they will offer the surplus places.

So, come last Thursday and 40% of 18 year olds found their teacher assessed grades had been lowered. They were already rejected by their chosen uni and had to go into clearing.

Only a government of idiots could not have spotted the backlash coming. The furore was huge. Yesterday, our government of short-sighted dimwits did an about turn and announced that the moderating process is overturned and all students would be awarded their teacher assessed grades, unless the moderated grades were higher; those students would keep their inflated award.

Here is where the fun really starts. Once a uni makes an offer of a place to a student provided said student achieves certain grades at 'A' level, the uni is legally obliged to provide that place in the coming September, or even a year later if the student decides to take a 'gap year' and so defers taking up the place.

There is only so much space in any institution. The universities filled all their places last Thursday. They cannot withdraw any of those offers. They have spent months planning for x number of students to study in a covid-safe environment.

Yet now, students they previously rejected have in fact been awarded the grades they needed and can now claim their first choice university place.

Good luck sorting that little lot out, is all I can say.



PS: not sure if I am going back into school in a few weeks time. Head of performing arts is hopeful but we shall have to see. I desperately hope so and I bet I am not the only one missing the teen lunacy deeply.

[SteveHopwood]

I do not have many private pupils these days. One that I do is G - I have mentioned him before. I resumed face to face piano lessons a few weeks ago. School, I am merely crossing my fingers.

I had a lovely afternoon today. I have taken to giving G a piano lesson at his home. He has a lovely piano in a wonderful music room in a gorgeous house outside a village in the middle of nowhere.

I love these visits. They involve driving around the bottom of a rural village and out into the countryside where the lane eventually peters out into nothingness.

I have mentioned before that village children are wonderful creatures. They are universally loved and protected and so grow up confident in the love and protection of all people around them.

My drives to G and back involve very narrow lanes. There is never more than room for me and a tiny space for whatever is coming towards me. What is coming towards me invariably includes unbelievably cute village children. So I stop and wait for them to pass. Not that they have to be unbelievably cute before I stop. Fact is, they always are. That is kids for you, I suppose.

So, going towards G there was an older teen on a horse leading three teensy tots on ponies. I stopped and waited. The chorus of, "Thank you" as they passed would have made the school pupils',"Thank you Sir" make the pupils give themselves a stern talking to and resolve to be more cute in the future.

On the way back, there was a car stopped in the middle of the lane. There was a teensy tot with a black Labrador doggie on a lead, talking through the window to someone in the car. I sat well back, turned off the car engine and waited. No point in living in a village in the middle of nowhere if you want to behave like a city nutter unable to withstand a few seconds of waiting.

A few seconds passed and the car drove on. Now, black Labradors might be stupidly affectionate but sane they are not. They can go affectionately nuts at the drop of a hat. Teensy tot was clearly struggling to get doggie under control. Lab was not cooperating.

I was happy to go and help, but best if TT was able to regain control of the situation so I sat and waited. It was a wait of only a few seconds.

I drove past v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y and TT rewarded me with a wave and a beautiful smile. That alone made the day worth living.

Not lived in a rural village yet? Try it. You will not be sorry. Unless you are a city nutter.

[SteveHopwood]

Six long bloody months but I made it back to school today.

Just. Truth to tell, I did not want to go. Yes, I missed the kids all the time. Yes, I missed the feeling of being involved with shaping young lives. Yes, I missed the feeling of being involved with something bigger than merely teaching at home.

What scares me and makes me want to stay at home is that the virus is taking hold again. I have had great faith in my immune system for years. Decades of very close contact with those germ factories known as, "Children" have left me with an immune system that laughs at most diseases and should be donated to medical science upon my eventual demise in a self-inflicted car crash.

I have often joked in the past that it would have giggled at The Black Death.

This confidence deserted me in the week before lock down was announced in the UK. I stayed away from school a week before schools were closed. Given the timeline of Mr P's death, this was the final week in which I would have been in close contact with him. He could easily have passed the infection on to me. I could have died as well.

OK, if my immune system had done its usual thingy, but what if not? Actually, we all know what if not.

Thingy is, a promise I made to the love of my life four years ago, as she lay dying, that I would always continue to do the best I can for any child that comes across my radar. Mr P's death a few months ago reminded me of this. Aged 69 I do not know how much longer I have to go. Quite a lot hopefully, but infinitely fewer guarantees than I had 50 years ago.

So I wanted to go back to school and have wanted to do for months. But didn't want to do today.

So I dragged myself out of the house, hoping the car would not start - something it has never failed to do in the 6 years I have owned it. And it is 17 years old now. Best car I have ever owned.

Entering school was not encouraging. 'Reception' staff were hidden behind shields that would withstand a nuclear blast. There was not a child in sight.

Schools without children when children are supposed to be at home are pleasant. There is a lovely calm about the place. Those Sunday musical rehearsals are great examples. Yes, there are kids, but the usual hustle and bustle is missing. It is a peaceful atmosphere.

Right now, kids are in their year group 'bubble'. There is close to zero movement along the corridors. The atmosphere is eerie and unsettling.

The damn school was heated to its usual hotter than the surface of the sun temperature. My usual out of condition physical self had gotten worse after six months of not clambering up three flights of stairs then marching along corridors that go on for miles to reach 146.

Did you ever watch those old 1960's/70's Spaghetti Westerns? With tumbrils of weeds running down the centre of deserted desert town centres?

The damn corridors were just like that. I collapsed into a chair in 146, sweating like a stuck pig and thinking, "I don't want to be here. I want to go home."

It didn't help that I was acutely aware of the lack of hilarity from what was formerly Mr P's room. That caused a few tears.

So I moped around for 10 minutes. I was about to give up and retire - and I mean retire - when Miss bounced into the room.

She lifted my spirits instantly. There is something about this young woman that instantly cheers anyone she comes into contact with. Adults, kids, you name us.

Within minutes I was making the offer I had originally intended making yet was merely an extension of something I was already doing. Donating an afternoon of my time to the school for anything the kids could use me for.

Offer instantly accepted. We are not talking, "Yes please." We are talking, "Yes yes yes yes yes pleasssssse. I have ......" where is ...... represents the kids I can help - singers I can accompany instead of making them rely on backing tracks. Read back a few posts if you do not understand this reference.

So: extra time for Charlie - yep; extra lessons for my pupils to help make up for time lost - yep; anything else you need - yep, accompaniment for Y11 singers preparing for exam recordings.

Extra lessons booked for Monday So, I am right back in the saddle and looking forward to Monday. Still not entirely sure this will not kill me but back hoping that my immune system will continue to protect me.

Charlie has shot up since I last saw him and now looks down at me. Little Sweetie Sarah has forgotten little of what she learned last academic year but not grown much. Julia has grown. Still diminutive but much less so that six months ago and remembers her total confidence in my kindness. It was an immeasurable thrill to see them all again.

So we are back folks and hoping for more teen lunacy. Granted, the likes of LSS and Julia are only just entering teenhood, but I am sure they will handle the transition brilliantly.

--------------------------------

I took a break after writing the above in case I had forgotten something. I had. It concerns Julia.

She came for her lesson. She is fiercely bright - we are talking brain the size of Mars here. Even so, it would be mean to expect her to remember stuff she was last taught 6 months ago. OK, so back then she had bought into the Mr Softie Steve big time, but 6 months in the life of a 12 year old is like, um, 60 years to the rest of us.

OK, so she has grown. She still only reaches my chest high. We are still talking small child here. I said to her, "Ehup darling. I know I am a mean and cruel child-hating monster but even I do not expect you to remember what we did 6 months ago. Don't be nervous."

Julia gave me that look - the one that kids reserve for clearly demented adults. She announced mistressfully, "No. Forgotten everything." Her expression said, "What did you expect, dimwit? After 6 months?" We moved on quickly and established that she had not forgotten a lot - the info was just buried deep in her brain. No surprise their.

Can't wait for next week. What a change a few hours makes.

[SteveHopwood]

One from yesterday that I forgot. People think that I am good with technology because I program trading software. In fact, I have less competence with technology than your average newly born. I have a pay as you go smartphone and have no idea how to use it apart from making calls. No idea how to access the other 1,000 features.

Truth to tell, yesterday in school was chaos. The kids are not allowed to wander the school freely and so cannot go the the timetable display. They knew the time of their first lesson of the term but I missed that day. So they had no idea what time their lesson was supposed to be yesterday. Miss took to calling the relevant classroom to bring whichever victim was due for torturing. This obviously meant they all turned up with just a few minutes to go.

Louis had taken only a few lessons just prior to lockdown, so we quickly established the need to start from scratch, so I wandered to the photocopier to copy the first few pages of what he would need.

Yes, I know I should have anticipated this need but remember that I arrived at school wanting nothing more than to go back home.

I had bucked up by the time Louis arrived, and so approached the photocopier in a much happier frame of mind than when I arrived at school. To find that my old friend had been replaced by a brand spanking new, all singing all dancing, bells and whistles machine.

That I could do bugger all with. It took about 15 attempts to get past the login stage. Having logged in, I was faced by an incomprehensible menu screen. I tried a few thingies without once even coming close to anything remotely resembling, "Copy". There came one point when I was in such a tangle that the only recourse was to turn the damn thing off and start again.

I gave up and asked Miss to show me how to use the blasted thingy. She said sympathetically, "There is a way to make it behave just like the old machine. We all use it. It took all of us hours to work it out."

And yes, four simple steps and we have our beloved old photocopier back again. I just hope I can remember them come Monday.

Louis' lesson is rearranged for Monday.

[SteveHopwood]

Yet another one from Thursday that I nearly forgot.

Remember the cutest group I ever saw i.e.

They had to be the sweetest bunch of hoodlums the world has ever seen.

One of them was having a singing lesson with Miss when I needed to chase up yet another missing victim. I sat and waited until she and Miss (at the piano very badly) finished.

I applauded hugely and announced, "The last time I heard you sing so well was February. Beautiful. Well done."

I suddenly discovered how much I had missed the cute chorus of, "Thank you Sir" when she came out with her own.

I am sure that I have written this before but I do not mind repeating it. After being a medic and saving their lives, then teaching them has to be the best job in the world.

OK, so I will not bang on about teaching them being the best job in the world. For a while, at least.

Let's just hope I can get on with it. The job, I mean. To be honest, at the time of writing it is not looking good.

Fingers crossed folks.

[SteveHopwood]

Back in school again today.

LSS was magnificent and played her socks off. I am going to spend loads of extra time with her to make up for all that she missed.

Julia was her usual clever self. She has never had an instrument to practise on at home. Before lock down, she booked out one of the practise rooms at school and was doing really well. Booking out practise rooms is no longer allowed, so the school is arranging to loan her one of their keyboards instead.

It is eerie in school. Kids are studying in their 'year bubbles' and so are not roaming the corridors as they used to. The performing arts department is housed in its own closed off corridor, so there is not the usual sound of kids making their way anywhere. Frankly, it is horrible. Kids are annoying, but there is nothing worse than not having them around. Parents all around the world reading this, are nodding in sympathy.

Head of Performing Arts and Miss joined me at the end of the day. Pre pandemic, the corridor would have been teeming with young and chaotic life. Today it was silent and will remain so for the foreseeable future.

HoPA and Miss tell me that the school is in chaos. Staff feeling symptoms of anything are immediately sent home, as are the classes they taught. Staff still upright can be called upon to teach any class for anything at the drop of a hat.

All thingies considered, having three of the five kiddies booked in this afternoon turning up was something of a miracle. Granted, the third is a new child to the school and was led to me by a staff member, 15 minutes late after he got lost trying to find 146. They all get extra lessons in the weeks to come. They deserve them.

Can one of you fantastic scientists come up with a vaccine soon, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee? I did lockdown just fine. Emerging from it is proving really hard.

[SteveHopwood]

Looking back, I cannot believe I was so reluctant to go back. I loved every second this afternoon.

My first in the afternoon was Little Sweetie Sarah. More of her tomorrow.

Second on the list was Charlie. "Ehup Sam," I called out as he entered the room. "Ehup Andrew," came the response after a few seconds. We have been apart for six months, after all.

I thought for a few seconds (remember 6 months) and then said, "Sorry Charlie. I got your name wrong again didn't I?"

"Never mind" came the kind reply. Followed by that smile.

Julia has never had an instrument at home. She had only been learning for a few weeks after Christmas when the pandemic struck. She had been arranging practise sessions in the practise room in between lessons and had been doing really well. This is not allowed any more.

Under similar circumstances these days, the school will arrange to lend the kids one of the keyboards. Not especially good but definitely better than nothing. For sure, the world is short of schools that could arrange to loan their kids the sort of £14,000 grand piano that I have at home.

Letters of agreement have been sent and returned to Julia's parents about he loan of one of these pieces of rubbish. Miss told me on arrival to point out the keyboard to Julia that the school were going to loan her and to ascertain when her parents could pick it up. Can't have a teensy tot staggering home in the rain with a piece of electronic equipment measuring the size of her.

So Julia came for her lesson. I stood up, beckoned to her and intoned, "Come here, hideous small person." She followed me knowing that only good could come from what was about to take place. I pointed to the piece of crap that she was being loaned and told her to arrange to have it picked up - details taken care of and not relevant. I wish you could have seen her face. She was sooooooo thrilled.

Maybe this will lead to nothing. Maybe it will lead to a career in the performing arts. Maybe it will lead to a career elsewhere where the musical input I will give Julia will release creative instincts.

For now, I am just glad that one school in the middle of nowhere in England, is giving one little girl who is hugely significant to those of us who love her (and to meet her is to love her I promise) is to do something extra for her. Our education system is crap, but not all the time.

[SteveHopwood]

A happy afternoon in school yesterday. There is nothing like the usual volume of teen lunacy now the kids are hidden away in their year 'bubbles'. Happy thingies are still happening with my pupils.

Ethan is a noob, originally with no instrument at home. The school arranged a keyboard loan for him but when he came for his lesson he announced, “I do not need a keyboard from school. My parents bought me a piano.”

This is such a refreshing change. Persuading parents that their kids need possession of the instrument they are trying to learn to play is often ridiculously difficult.

Teensy Julia had clearly made good use of her loaned keyboard. She took a couple of attempts to get going but only because there is a vast difference between playing a small keyboard on a table and a full sized piano. Given a bit of warming up and she was magnificent.

Another noob, Bailey, took to note reading as a duck does to water. It always makes my life easier when this happens.

I have booked extra sessions after school with Little Sweetie Sarah. I want her to get to where she should have been without the school shutting for six months, asap. She deserves it. We did nearly an hour and only stopped when her brain finally gave out. She demolished the bag of Maltesers I took in with me with accomplished ease.

Miss continues to have her miraculous effect on music in the school. There is yet another noob waiting to start with me.