Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Thu Jun 30, 2022 8:40 pm

I introduce you to my invention of The Blubometer.

Unless you have been reading this blog in some sort of drug-induced stupor, you will have 'got' that me and the two Miss's in my life adore the kids we teach, and that in return, they adore us right back. It is a simple equation.

This post concerns me and Miss 1. I have been involved in the school for several years and so know the kids better than at school 2.

Miss 1 (plain 'Miss' for now) and I are both highly emotional. The kids can make us blub in an instant.

Schools like ours with over 1,200 kids have a large staff. Said staff are highly intelligent and have a wide variety of talents, including the ability to play a range of musical instruments and to sing.

Miss persuaded many of the staff to take part in a staff and students' concert last week. Kids and teachers put on a number of brilliant collaborations that the audience went into raptures over. Me too.

Comedy highlight of the evening for me, was Miss, three of her friends and Masie becoming the Spice Girls (mid 1990's girl band) with Masie dressed up as Baby Spice. You have to have lived in the UK during the 1990's to understand the reference.

Back to blubbing. Given the shit time that the kids have endured recently, everything they did made me want to blub. I held myself together, just.

Until it came to Georgi and Miss singing, "I Won't Say," from the musical, "Wicked." Georgi is yet another of those impossibly gorgeous kids that inhabit my life. The day of the concert was also the final day of her highly stressful GCSE exams - huge emotional release. Miss and G adore each other. Accompanying them is this lovely duet broke me and I blubbed quietly.

What really destroyed me followed a couple of items later. Our much loved senior choir sang the dark, "Jar of Hearts.". A mere 6 kids singing in 3 part harmony of excruciating beauty. Extraordinary. I played the accompaniment mostly from memory as I could not see the notes through the tears. Happily, their final song following was a pure slapstick humour; another emotional one and I would have been on the floor howling.

I thought about this later in the evening and decided that Miss and I need an Index of Blub and came up with a traffic light style system:

Green: no danger of blub.
Amber: danger of blub.
Light red: blubbing but able to hide it.
Dark red: hide me under a table so I can blub in peace.

Miss loves this. It is Music Theatre singing exam time so we are rehearsing the kids towards the recordings. I started with Sophie today, singing the ludicrously sentimental, "When You Wish Upon a Star." Normally I would pour derision onto this sort of pap but today was different; it was a cute child singing it. I looked at Miss and asked, "Amber?" Came the reply, "Yes, but only just short of light red."

A mystified Sophie asked what we were talking about, so I explained. Clearly in the presence of two certified lunatics, she sighded patiently and intimated that proceeding with the rehearsal would be A Good Thing.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Mon Jul 04, 2022 9:07 pm

I have mentioned that my work occasionally causes me pain. This afternoon was one such period.

Bailey, Ethan and Julia all started taking lessons at the same time. All had their schooling interrupted by Covid at the same time. All are equally moderately talented and so have achieved pretty much equal progress. All want to do graded exams.

They were joined a mere month ago by the outrageously clever and talented Lili, who has mastered the material in that short space of time.

Surely not a cause for pain you ask? Here is the thingy. Exam boards pick pieces that represent areas they want candidates to show mastery in. They do not ask themselves the question, "Are these pieces that kids might actually like playing?" Mostly, they select unattractive bollocks.

Kids taking piano exams have to prepare three pieces. The standard exam book contains 12 pieces. In a good year, three of them will be worth playing (so imagine a bad year, shudder delicately and move on). Four will be worth playing in a really good year - and they do not happen often.

This means that multiple kids taking the same grade - 1 in this case - will be playing pretty much the same repertoire. This is a good year, so there is a decent choice of 4 pieces to play; even so, there is a lot of duplication.

"So what are you whinging about?" I hear you ask. "How tough can it be to listen to four kids playing mostly the same pieces?"

The length of time it takes to play them, is the problem. Back in the days of face-to-face exams, grade 1 was allotted 10 minutes. This allowed for the examiner to write a commentary and then conduct the 'supporting tests' bollocks (sight reading and aural tests).

Post-Covid, we are still submitting audio/visual recordings for assessments. There is no need for allowing time for examiners to write a commentary. There is no supporting tests bollocks. There are: three pieces; two exercises; a teensy handful of scales.

My lot have taken their exam prep very seriously - they are all proceeding to GCSE music in September. They are fluent, accurate and confident. We are doing the recordings on Wednesday, so I had one final session with each of them today.

Now that the kids are fluent, accurate and confident, it takes them 4 minutes to play their entire programme. In a 20 minute lesson and with brief stops for a chat and advice such as, "Take a few seconds in between pieces," that adds up to 4 performances of the programme. Times 4 kids. Of mostly the same material.

It cannot have escaped your attention that I worship these kids. I cannot think of anything legal that I would not do for them. Thinking about it, not sure how far the other side of legal I would not be prepared to go.

This does not stop the pain of listening to umpteen performances of mostly the same stuff.

Hey ho.

I shot myself in the foot with Lili. She was timetabled for last slot of the afternoon but my previous victim did not appear. I knew Tegan should be with Miss in 149, so I went hunting for her. It turned out that she was not in school, so I agreed with Miss that she should send for Lili for a double session. I knew what this meant for my gibber factor but you would understand why I took L for a double if you could meet this amazing child.

Amongst all this carnage, Gwenny is due to record for her Grade 4. Pretty fantastic for a lass who started two years ago and whose first year was interrupted by Covid. Truth to tell, she is not particularly musical (music teachers etc here will understand what I mean) but she loves playing. I will continue to spend the time with her that she deserves, for as long as she wants me to. Plus, she is a sweetheart, so why not?

On top of all this, it is Music Theatre exam season. Not a lot in terms of numbers - 5 candidates - but accompaniments to four songs each that I need to learn and time we need to find for rehearsals.

Yep, you guessed it. I am having a blast.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Tue Jul 05, 2022 8:11 pm

One from yesterday that I forgot to tell you. The Dingbats are not only everlastingly sweet; they are unfailingly polite and caring as well. I often state that if you adore a child first, then that child will adore you right back. When it comes to The Dingbats, I am not sure who adored who first. They do a wonderful job of making me and Miss feel loved.

They appear unfailingly at 12.40 pm. One pokes her head around the door and retreats the instant she sees someone having a lesson; the rest of them follow her retreat. Mostly they then congregate in The Dungeon or one of the other tiny practise rooms available. They are welcome to join me in 146 but I have to be quick to catch them.

I am writing this on Tuesday evening. I needed to catch Julia yesterday (Monday) to rearrange her usual Thursday lesson for Monday in advance of the recording tomorrow (i.e. Wednesday). Good luck keeping up with that. I had arrived early to give Bailey a lesson in advance of the same recording session..

Lili popped her head around the door, saw me teaching and instantly vanished. "Come in Angels," I bellowed. There was a hesitant moving towards the door. "Come in darlings," I called out. "Just keep the noise down to a dull roar and you are welcome." Then I informed Julia of the change of her lesson time.

Did The Dingbats keep their din down to a dull roar? Nope. They were wonderful instead and made little sound. I heard softly spoken chatting and the occasional delicious giggle but that was all. They were perfect.

Graded piano exam recordings to come tomorrow afternoon. Wish the kids luck folks. They do not need it, but they sure deserve it.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Tue Jul 12, 2022 7:10 pm

We had the piano exam recordings. Ethan was masterful and did it in one take.

Bailey was hopeless and left me with no alternative but to try again. She mucked and messed and faffed around and finally ran out of time for trying again - quite an achievement given that the entire G1 performance takes just over four minutes to do. She continued to faff around to international standards and was eating into Julia's recording time despite my repeated demands that she, "Go NOW". I lost patience, dumped her bag in the corridor, grabbed the stuff she was faffing with out of her hands and dumped it in the corridor, grabbed her by the shoulders and dumped her into the corridor with, "See you soon poppet."

I always try to be gentle with teens but sometimes have to take a more direct approach.

Julia was happy for her third attempt to go forward for assessment by the examiner. A handful of teensy slips that made no difference to the overall impression - and it is that overall impression that examiners' assess.

Then came Lili, who started learning this stuff about 5 weeks ago. First attempt: easily good enough for submission but no: another attempt demanded.

Second attempt: two teensy slips. Even better, and masterfully (girlfully?) good enough for submission but no: another attempt demanded.

Third attempt: as near perfect as possible and resulting in a double high five. This child is stunning.

-------------------------

Today, 12th July, is my birthday. Lili had learned this somehow. The Dingbats are in France on a school trip this week, so Lili decided to present me with a birthday card last week. You folks know how fond we are of each other but Lili upped the stakes with the wonderful thingies she wrote on the card. I will treasure it for the rest of my life. The Blubometer has been on light red ever since.

Eva has what she describes as a, "Freakishly good memory for personal details about people." I have tested this out and am now up from my birth and early years, to my graduation in 1973. Eva has never failed. Including today, when she produced a birthday card.

Adore them first folks, and they will adore you right back.

---------------

Something happened - I do not remember what - in Jas' lesson that might have got her into trouble with stricter teachers. Jas mentioned the possible jeopardy elsewhere and asked, "Will you ever shout at me?"

<A brief aside here. Should Jas' behaviour ever disintegrate to the point where it started to become annoying, I would involve the school safeguarding staff, not shout at her. I would assume that something was going wrong in her life.>

I replied, "No darling. I cannot imagine anything you could do to make me shout at you."

Always on the hunt for lunatic teen fun, Jas thought for a few seconds then asked, "Would you shout at me if I burned the school down?"

I replied, "No sweetheart. Large and unsympathetic men in blue uniforms would be shouting at you long before I would be able to."

Then I added, "And if any pupils died in the fire, then an insanely unsympathetic man/woman wearing a white wig, red gown and sitting high up on a bench, would be sending you for a lot of years in a juvenile detention centre. You would see your mum once a month." No idea if that last bit is correct, but scare tactics just to make sure.

"OK, so best not to."

"Quite right princess."

------------------------

I have told many times how wonderful the kids in school 1 are. Even so, it often happens that kids I do not know and that I pass in the corridors do not acknowledge my presence unless I initiate contact. Teens are naturally shy.

Not so school 2. It is rare to pass an unknown child for them to not smile at me first and fail to respond to my, "Ehup darling" with the usual cute, "Hi Sir". The room in which I teach has a long set of windows that look out onto an external walkway. Time and again, kids glancing into my room and seeing me looking out will smile, wave or give a thumbs up. It makes me very happy.

Wonderful creatures, village kids.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Fri Aug 19, 2022 8:42 pm

There is always a lot of humour regarding school uniform at the end of the academic year.

Parents will recognise this scenario. Their angels are in the final half term of the academic year. Including the summer break, there are three months to go until the September restart. The huge clothes that embarrassed the kids the previous September and that mum promised, "You will grow into them," have now been grown into and are rapidly being grown out of.

Come June of each year, kids are wearing clothes that no longer fit. Trouser legs are so short that they resemble long shorts. There is only a short window of time before they split. Blazers do not button up. Shirt and jumper sleeves are only just below elbow length. Even the most ardent of mini-skirt wearing girls are seriously worried about the rapidly diminishing lengths of their skirts that resemble nothing more than a large belt.

Problem is, teens can put on a growing spurt at any time during their development. Clothes bought in June can easily be on the scrap heap by the time the schools reopen in September. So the parents hang on and hope for the best. Mostly all is well, thankfully, but it makes for some comical sights for a few weeks.

Come schools restarting in September, the poor kids face a few months of wearing clothes vastly too big for them because, "You will grow into them." Obviously we teachers do not tease them at either end of the scale. Doesn't stop us enjoying the fun though.

----------------------------------------
Thingies got a tad on the busy side at the end of the term leading up to the summer break. It taught Miss and I a valuable lesson: do not leave making exam recordings until after the final half term of the academic year. Every plan we made was scuppered at least in part by a mixture of school trips, sporting events and the occasional illness.

Two of the 'casualties' were Bailey (G1 piano) and Georgi (G4 musical theatre). We all agreed to try again during the break and arranged to meet up on Weds (Bailey) and Thurs (Georgi) just gone, in potential blocks of 3 hours each. Bailey enjoyed having no time pressure and managed an acceptable recording in about an hour and a half.

Georgi is a glorious child. Just 16 and having finished her GCSE's, Miss and I adore her. As kids do, G adores us right back.

Miss and I are emotional people, especially where the kids are concerned. We rehearsed G's songs prior to recording, several times. The Blubometer hurtled into Light Red within seconds of her starting her second song (of four) but we managed to keep it together by not looking at each other.

Then we did a first recording. Georgi's second song was "Electricity" from the musical "Billy Elliot". This was the first musical I accompanied soon after my wife died. I accompanied most of it through a veil of tears hidden only because the band were in darkness apart from the lights over our music stands. I do not find it easy, to this day, to accompany songs from this musical.

G's third song is, "Mother Knows Best" from some crap Disney musical. It is rubbish but G's characterisation was hysterically funny and revived our moods.

Her fourth song was, "How Does a Moment Last Forever," a sentimental ballad of no musical value whatsoever. What gets Miss and I so emotional is not the standard of a child's performance but the knowledge of said child and how much we love it. Miss and I got through the first recording without blubbing. Just. G was fantastic.

Miss and I both broke during the second recording when G stepped up her characterisation. I held it together through, "Electricity," just. Only just. It really was a good thingy that her characterisation of, "Mother Knows Best" was so fantastically funny; anything remotely sad or sentimental would have halted the recording.

Come, "How Does a Moment Last Forever," was hopeless. I hit Dark Red about half way down the first page. I was at Incandescent White (just invented to make the point) with a page and a half to go. I played them from memory as I could not see the notes.

We finished. Miss turned off the camera. We pulled out our tissues and howled. A mortified G asked, "Was I that dreadful?"

We explained. She rather liked that the two of us care so much about her but not sure she understood. Maybe one day, she will have the same experience and will understand. I hope so.

-----------------------------------------

Can't wait for the new term to start as I am missing the kids dreadfully. This week helped in a way as it brought some teen lunacy. In another it merely makes me miss them even more. Hey ho. That is life.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Sun Sep 25, 2022 8:10 pm

Back in school to the usual mixture of good stuff and lunacy.

Lunacy: Ethan, Gwenny and Julia's parents had still not sent off their kids' exam performance recordings.

After weeks of work on the kids' part and umpteen pounds spent on lessons for their little angels. Bonkers.

Lilli's mum had done so and the result came back with a total lack of astonishing Distinction i.e. 91/100. That from a standing start of learning the material from scratch to recording in about 6 weeks. Remember how long it took you to learn your graded exam stuff all those years ago?

It turned out that needing a couple of weeks extra to record Bailey was a good thingy. She gained a pass with Merit and is highly pleased with herself.

Georgi gained three marks short of a Distinction. She was robbed.

As to the rest, we still await their pathetic parents actually submitting the recordings to the exam boards. Some time in 2025 perhaps? I do not need to articulate how Miss and I are feeling.

Those whose parents have submitted the recordings and whose results have returned, we are highly proud of.

------------------------------------------------

Besties Julia and Lili agreed to take extra lessons after school on Thursdays, to free up slots during the day on the three afternoons I spend at the school, for extra lessons for other kiddies.

We all win. The girls get unrestricted time with me. I get unrestricted time with two of the most gorgeous kids I have ever met. Lots of chocolate is involved, obviously. Lili texts her mum to come and get them at the end of our session, so I do not have to worry about getting them home safely. There are slots during the day for other kiddies.

Perfect.

-----------------------------------------------

We had our first week of Senior Choir this last week. Miss insists that our Senior Choir should meet the standards of such a body. I support this. What the girls achieved last year was fantastic.

Entry to Senior Choir is by audition only. There is a choir that anyone can join so singing is not blocked off to the untalented.

Following auditions last week our numbers were augmented by four. This does not sound like a lot but this left us with a group of 10. You would be astonished to hear what 10 talented children can produce at the hands of someone like Miss. It was moving and me and Miss were very proud.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Mon Sep 26, 2022 8:18 pm

Some more exam results. Georgi gained a high Merit, just 3 short of a Distinction. She was robbed. Those of you who took similar exams in the past will know the feeling.

Bailey and Gwenny both came back with Merits, again just short of a Distinction. Their results mirrored their performance, in my view.

-------------------------

I have not told you about Tegan. I met her just before school 1 broke up for the summer. A dreadfully shy child who had refused to take keyboard lessons even though being on the GCSE music course that requires performing.

Eventually Tegan agreed to give lessons a try and we had a couple before the break. This gave me enough time with her to persuade her that I am not some sort of child eating monster and that I really could help her. She walked out of her second lesson much, much happier than she approached her first - which was terrified. We all know that I am not a fan of terrifying children so our first meeting was difficult for me as well.

Then she went on a school trip to France, then I cried off the last week of the summer term as temperatures here in the UK hit 40%, then the six week summer break then we peri teachers do not start back during the first week of term. So, nearly three months since our last meeting.

I worried that she might have regressed back to terror. She had not. Granted, she was apprehensive but that changed quickly. Since then, Tegan's confidence has increased exponentially and she is responding to my teaching brilliantly. She even speaks to me in a voice volume slightly above that of a terrified mouse - and laughs at my pathetic jokes.

In the grand scheme of thingies, what I am helping Tegan to achieve long term is meaningless. GCSE's are merely a gateway to the next step in her life. For now in her young life, it is everything.

I am proud to help a wonderful young lady on her way.

-----------------------

Masie is having guitar lessons. I passed the room where Mr G was teaching her. The door was open so as I used to do with Mr P's victims I leaned in, pointed at Masie and said, "Look out for her. She is a menace."

"I know" he replied, glaring at Masie. She stuck her tongue out at both of us and giggled.

I had reason to pass the room a couple more times during Masie's lesson. There were always gales of laughter coming from the room. Wonderful sound.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Tue Sep 27, 2022 8:36 pm

Here follows a wonderful example of teen lunacy by Eva, a child at school 2. Just like Lili and I at school 1, Eva and I made an instant connection the second we first met. She has a brand of teen lunacy that is a joy to behold.

Never mind why, but I needed to rearrange her lesson next week for 2.00 on Tuesday.

What followed was Eva at her magnificent best.

"Is that in the afternoon?" she asked.

"No darling. In the morning."

There was a brief paused followed by a splutter of laughter and, "I can't believe I just asked that."

Wonderful.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Sun Oct 02, 2022 5:53 pm

This is a touching one.

The sun shines in through huge windows as we approach the exit to school 1 at this time of year. There are chairs where people can sit if they are waiting for a meeting etc. It is impossible to make out faces as I approach. I spotted a child with hair braded a la Julia so I assumed it was her and wandered over to ask what she was waiting for.

It wasn't Julia. "Hello sweetheart. What are you waiting for?" A confused and slightly fearful child managed to mutter, "I not speak English." I smiled reassuringly and left her alone.

No wonder she was confused and fearful. I found out the following week that her name is Evalina. Evalina is a refugee from Ukraine taken in by one of the staff at school. I hope with her mum but I will find out the details next time I bump into said staff member.

Evalina is 13/14 I guess, cute as they come and with a giggle to die for. The reason I know about the giggle is because she was one of the kids accepted into our senior choir following the auditions a couple of weeks ago. Miss accepted her because: she sings beautifully; being in the choir will help her develop her English speech; who would not want to help a little escapee from war?

Three weeks into the new academic year and Evalina English is developing rapidly. She has bought big time into the lunacy that is the likes of senior choir members Georgi, Maisie, Faith et al. She giggled her way through the last choir rehearsal - that is how I know how beautiful is her laughter.

We make many mistakes in this country but rescuing a little girl from the horrors that might otherwise have befallen her, is not one of them.

She was waiting again after Miss and I had finished clearing up after the rehearsal so I went and sat with her. Her spoken and understanding of English had improved exponentially since our first meeting and we had a conversation. Bright kid, or what?

I was really slow on the uptake at this point - so no surprise there. We were interrupted by staff member with another lady in tow. Thinking back, this must have been mum although I will check on this when I next bump into her in the corridor.

The reason I was slow on the uptake is that staffer told me that Evalina is a talented pianist and that I must get her to play to me. What I should have done was drag them all off to listen to the child play. Trouble is the number of times I have heard adults intone about a child with zero or less musical ability, "This is a musically talented child."

What I actually did was to promise to listen to her next week. Which I will. Better a bit late than never. Talented or not, this little girl gets piano lessons if she wants them and regardless of me getting paid or not.

Least I can do for a child uprooted from her home in the worst of all possible circumstances.

Watch this space for details.

An addendum to this story.

The performing arts block is on the first floor, on a corridor turning off the end of a looooooong corridor that the kids call Main Street. Just before the arts block corridor is a flight of stairs leading to the second floor. Evalina was climbing the stairs when she saw me trudging towards PA. She gave me a smile to soften the heart of the hungriest of Tigers and a wave that made me melt.

This kid gets anything she wants from me that I can provide.

Post by **SteveHopwood** » Tue Oct 04, 2022 7:21 pm

Thanks to the likes of Saville, Glitter, Harris, and a whole host of bastards whose faces I can still sadly feature in my mind but whose names happily escape me, we teachers have to be ridiculously careful in what we say to our pupils.

Thankfully, we are not always mistrusted. Here is an exchange I had with Eva's mum earlier:

Ehup
Eva had a birthday card for me last July. I was deeply touched.

She told me it is her birthday next week.

Courtesy of Saville et al, we teachers have to be soooooooooo careful when detailing with kids.

Is it OK for me to take in a box of Malteasers to give to her and celebrate your glorious Eva's birthday?

Cheers

Steve

Her reply:

Awwh yes of course. Thank you for asking.

Best regards

My heart is singing.