Thingies that happen to Steve in his other job

[SteveHopwood]

One more from rapidly emerging Magnificent Chloe. From her mum about me stating that she could break me:

Don't worry chloe won't hurt you as she says you are her bestie and she will protect you

I feel so safe now.

[SteveHopwood]

I was in school 2 yesterday and needed to go to Reception to put out a call for a victim too terrified to come and be brutalised. I approached Reception through the main hall.

Passing through the hall requires passing through two sets of doors. Leading up to the first, I heard footsteps behind me so I did as I always do and held the door open.

I do this often. The recipient of my generosity might be a 40 years younger member of staff. It might be a child. Occasionally it is a whole phalanx of kids who pass through with glorious calls of, "Thanks you Sir," etc. Those are especially lovely.

This time it was a diminutive little boy who said, "Thank you Sir," and proceeded in front of me.

Then he held the opposite door open for me. I said, "Thank you young man. I am most grateful. This is what we call 'teamwork'. " We did a 'high five' and went our separate ways. Lovely.

[SteveHopwood]

Dingbat bonkers nut job Evalina excelled herself.

We are taking our senior choir at school 1 back to the competitive festival we did last year. The first song this amazing bunch of cuties are singing is, "The Next Right Thing," from what I understand vaguely is a Disney animation.

The main character is in the depths of despair. She is under the impression that everyone in her life that she ever loved has either died or left her in some other way. It later transpires this is wrong but at the time, she cannot work out what to do next. The song is about her trying to work out what to do next i.e. the next right thing. It is a dark and deeply emotional song once you imagine being in the same dark place - and who amongst us have not lost at least one loved one?

We have Masie singing the part of the main character - Mona I think is the name. The rest of the choir are supporting her in glorious three part harmony. The sound is amazing.

Miss has arranged a choreography for the rest whilst Masie remains mostly stationary. They are depicting the darkest thoughts going through her mind. The choreography is complex. The mood in the room was dark and intense.

Evalina was standing next to Miss, who was describing a particularly complex piece of movement. In the middle of a sentence and with staggering irrelevance, Ev suddenly grabbed hold of a handful of Miss' hair and proclaimed, "I love your hair. Can I have some, please?"

Miss untangled herself from Ev's grip whilst the rest of us in the room fell around. She replied, "No, you can't. It's mine."

"Please."

"NO."

It took a while to get the rehearsal back on track. Ev did not sabotage it deliberately; she is just nuts and we adore her for it.

The second song the kids are singing is a contrasting piece of bollocks from Shrek jnr, so that should mop up the tears of the members of the audience.

------------------

Then we heard something that was lovely to hear. One of our choir, Gracie, is a close friend of a member of the choir in the posh local private school (fees c. £14,000 a year day school) that hosts the festival and whose choir won all the events last year.

Competitions these thingies may be but competing groups of kids become wildly supportive of each other. They yell and whoop each of their competitors' performances. Gracie told us that members of the opposition still talk about our performance - as we do theirs. There is some high quality work going on around here.

Even better, the music staff at the school still talk about our performances as shining examples of how to do thingies - as we do theirs.

--------------

It is musicals time again - Shrek jnr this time. Boy, but these events come around quickly these days. Prep going really well for the band. Not so well for the cast I gather, but the kids will pull everything together after driving the director bald. They always do.

[SteveHopwood]

Shrek has come and gone, leaving memories of much rich entertainment in its wake along with wonderful stories of personal development by so many of the kids.

Take Little Lilly. Fantastic, gorgeous, outrageously talented, sweet and loving Little Lilly. She played an angel in Matilda last year, which was when we met for the first time. This year she decided to play the violin in the orchestra. Replacing our previous, charismatically challenged dullard of a violin teacher with the wonderful Miss P has worked wonders for both LL and Lois. Even so, I knew that LL was heading for trouble.

The reason she was heading for trouble was the skiing trip that many in the orchestra were going on during the Feb half term. We started rehearsing the orchestra after the Christmas break, but on a day when the skiers were learning their skills on a nearby dry slope. This proved to be worthwhile as no one returned home with a limb in plaster. Also, the kids had a blast. I understand that sleep did not play a huge part in the trip.

All well and good, but it did mean the LL approached her first post-trip orchestra rehearsal with absolutely no idea what to expect. LL has this characteristic in common with so many outrageously talented, intelligent, sweet and loving children; zero self confidence.

During the days leading up to LL's first encounter with the orchestra, Miss and I repeated this mantra over and over again, "Darling, we want you to have fun. Play what you can. Leave the rest out." It is what I do, after all. OK, so maybe not leave stuff out but I do edit the score ruthlessly. I am a pianist, not an orchestra. When the idiot preparing the piano part has arranged something ludicrous, I un-ludicrous it.

Even so, Miss and I would not have been surprised if LL had not even taken her violin out of its case. The poor love was clearly overwhelmed. I just kept plying her with Maltesers and repetition of The Mantra.

She took the violin out of its case about 15 minutes before the end or the rehearsal. She even tried playing a few notes.

I asked LL subsequently how she had found the experience. "Horrible," came the terse reply. Miss and I would not have been surprised if she had withdrawn from the production and would have let her should she want to. We do not put on productions to make sweet kids miserable.

It turned out that our teensy built, ridiculous haired, smile to die for little girl is a tougher cookie than we took her for. She turned up for her second rehearsal prepared to take a full part.

"Is it getting easier?" I asked her subsequently.

Came the reply, "Yes, but I hadn't a clue what I was doing."

"Join the club," I thought to myself.

The build up to the week of four performances saw this glorious young lady's confidence increasing. The real break through came during the full Sunday rehearsal of several hours, preceding the week of performances.

Miss P agreed to take part in the performances and attended the Sunday rehearsal. She sat with Lois on one side and LL on the other. The three of them giggled their way through the entire day. LL was playing like an old hand by the end of the day. It was a joy to see.

More to come.

[SteveHopwood]

Lois and LL again.

You have met Lois a few times before - another outrageously talented child who plays piano and violin in equal measure.

Nothing throws her. She takes part in our rock band on the piano. Mr Q puts a score in front of her and she plays it without fuss. She just does it. Extraordinary. I could not do that. Would not want to mind, but that is a different story.

Shrek performances started at 6.30. The audience were let into school at 6.00 then queued to be let into the hall until 6.15 - last minute preparations for performances rapidly become hectic so the longer we can keep the audience at bay, the better.

Miss is a professionally trained singer. She wanted to provide entertainment during the 15 minutes or so that the audience were coming in. She wanted students, apart from herself singing, to provide this. She set up with kids from the orchestra to accompany her. We had: Lois on one piano; Little Lilly on a second piano (and take a guess about how proud me and her mum were of that); Billy and Jeremy on guitars; Evie on drums.

The audience for the final performance was vast - bigger than we have ever had before. They streamed in and in and in and in. Technical staff ransacked the school for every chair they could find. 6.30 came and went. Billy and Jeremy started to play chords to fill in the gap in what otherwise would have been silence..

It turned out that the chords they were playing were the 'Halleluiah" chords from the movie. Lois suddenly dashed down from the piano, grabbed her violin, snarled, "Start again," at Billy and Jeremy and played three verses of the song.

Incredible. This kid is 15.

Provide children with opportunities to develop and guess what they do.

[SteveHopwood]

Shrek provided one of the loveliest moments of my life, and the single loveliest moment of my entire teaching career.

We had two full Friday rehearsals booked. Technical stuff about attaching all the kids to their microphones meant that I was not required for the start. I arrived as needed about 90 minutes in. All of the cast of +70 were on stage. I walked through the hall doors expecting to do my usual thingy - make my way unobtrusively to the piano and prepare for business.

What actually happened was this: a sea of waving hands and calls of, "High Mr Hopwood", "Ehup Mr Hopwood" and "Hi Sir."

I have written before about our performing arts department being a kind of a family but this took the idea to a whole new level. I called out, "Ehup beautiful people. Are you having fun?" "Yes" came back the cry.

Then I fled to the piano because the Blubometer was hurtling towards Incandescent White and I did to want to upset the kids. Besides, they had stuff to do.

---------------------------------------------

Shrek provided the usual moments of humour attending kids in a high school musical. There were two outstanding ones.

We always do a full day Sunday rehearsal prior to the week of performances - we are talking about 6 hours here. We finished the Sunday with a run through of the entire show.

Georgi played the version of Fiona that Shrek rescues. She is supposed to be found fast asleep so the crew dragged a camp bed onto the stage. She is supposed to hear him coming and lies down on the bed, pretending to be asleep.

Georgi left her move a little late and realised she should have been on the bed. She hurled herself at it, caught the edge and ended up on the stage instead of where she should have been. The hall erupted with giggles. Unhurt and fully aware of the humour this glorious young actress had created, Georgi just lay there laughing. The scene continued to general hilarity.

Eventually it came time for Fiona to arise from her sleep. We were all still giggling. Georgi quipped, "It's been a long day."

There is a song early in the musical that creates the life of Fiona as she grew up in captivity. This provides the opportunity for two more soloists - one to sing the young Fiona and one to sing as Fiona half way through her captivity.

Kiera was a shoe-in for young Fiona. Remember that Kiera is totally blind? There is no power on this earth that would make us refuse her a part in the musical. This year as last, she was minded on and off stage by a fellow cast member.

Kiera and I have a lovely relationship. We do not meet in the corridors these days as much as I would like, but when we do what follows is always the same. I cry out, "Ehup trouble." She knows instantly who is addressing her and the subsequent beam powers our national grid for a couple of hours.

Then I say, "Can I give you a hug poppet? Say 'no' if I am not allowed." Then she hurls herself into my arms. This always worries me slightly as I do not understand how she knows where to hurl herself. One function making up for lack of another, I guess. I have not missed catching her yet.

Kids on stage rely on cues from the band and, especially, the musical director. Kiera cannot see cues so I had taught her how to come in for her solo. Happily, it was just me and her, with me playing a simple repeated pattern on the piano. All I had to do was keep on playing this pattern until Kiera started singing.

So, come the first night, I played. And played. And played. Nothing from Kiera.

We have a brilliant sound technician who disables the microphones of all cast members not on stage - best if the audience does not hear the occasional off-stage altercation or swear words when a child bumps herself. What he cannot do is disable the mikes of kids on stage - they need them.

So, after what felt like an ice age of going around and around this introduction to Kiera's solo and Miss frantically mouthing, "Tell her to sing," at Kiera's minder, here is what happened. Minder leaned in to Kiera and whispered, "You should be singing Kiera. Miss is waving wildly at me and Mr Hopwood's fingers are wearing out." All to the vast amusement of the audience who could hear every word.

In Kiera came and carried out her solo beautifully.

Miss and Minder arranged a signal for subsequent nights. Miss would give Minder a signal, then Minder would squeeze Kiera's hand so K would know when to start singing. We should have thought of that initially but we all live and learn.

There is a lot of fun movement in subsequent scenes. Happily protected by all on every side of her, Kiera took a full part in all the movements and had a blast. Granted, not many of the scripted movements but who cares? She was having fun and it was a joy to watch.

[SteveHopwood]

It is no secret amongst any of us in the business of providing some sort of instrumental accompaniment to singers, that said vocalists have a very flexile approach to the printed rhythm

By, 'flexible', I mean 'clueless'. In other words, singers regard the printed rhythm as merely the start of a one-sided negotiation between singer and accompanist.

Miss 1 is a classically trained singer yet still has this characteristic. It has caused me a lot of pain.

Kiera has bought into this big time. Come her solo at the beginning of the tower number, she went faster. And slower. And left silences out. And added them in - once she started to sing, at least.

No problem for me to stick with her - it is one of the thingies I do best - but difficult if I cannot hear her. Nobody had checked that her mic was working properly before the start of the second night. It was not. I could hear about one word in four. Happily the harmonic pattern was repetitious, so I could catch her up whenever I heard a word she sang.

It was probably the first time that Miss 1 had ever heard me irritated when I snarled at the end of the evening, "It is all very well expecting me to keep up with Kiera's 15 tempo changes per bar, but I do bloody well need to be able to hear her. Make sure her mic is working properly tomorrow."

She did.

Actually, thinking back to Blood Brothers incident when a child had learned a song from the internet that bore no resemblance to what the band had written in front of us and that Miss and Producer insisted we aere playing incorrectly until I stated loudly that Miss find the copy that reflected whet he had learned or I was going home, this was the second time I have growled at her. Not bad going in nearly four years of collaboration.

--------------------------------

Guitarists Billy and Jeremy are amazing. I may have mentioned this occasionally?

They have a wonderful hearing for harmony. In the past, whenever a child has gone wrong by entering a song to soon or late, I have skipped with the child. The boys have heard the skip and caught up in a heartbeat. Astonishing at the best of times but these two have been doing this for 7 years so imagine how gob-smacking it was when they were 11.

They excelled themselves this year.

Charlie (girl) playing the dragon never ever got an entry correct. Charlie is the upcoming Georgi - fabulously talented - but with an exceptionally flexible approach to the printed rhythms of her songs.

This year I was playing from a score that did not have the printed words the kids were singing. This was not usually a problem but Charlie defeated me with one entry every time. Having entered at random points, she then sang a randomly selected rhythm of her own choice. This defeated me every time and I dropped out.

The boys did not turn a hair and caught her up instantly. Wow.

Slightly sad this year as it is the last musical that B&J will take part in as they both go to university in September. Neither are going to study music.

Billy will end up as a professional performer - maybe in a band or as a 'session' muso. He is going to do a Maths degree at Sheffield uni. He already plays many 'gigs' in the area but does not want to go down the academic music route - I can understand this, knowing him.

We will miss these two but for Billy especially, we have done our job. We take kids in at the age of 11 and try our best to nurture them, with all that the term implies. We try to inspire them to find a passion that they can take forward in their lives. Often we succeed. Often we fail. We always try our best for them; it is what they deserve.

[SteveHopwood]

A few non-Shrek bits and bats for you.

I was torturing James at his home last week. Keyboard music from the Baroque period (c. 1600 - 1750) has few performance directions - it was written for the harpsichord, a hideous instrument that could only make a twanging sound, so no point. Usually, pieces do not even have speed indications.

All of this means that we can play this repertoire however we want. Ok, so within reason but the truism largely applies. Listen to 20 different players playing the same piece and you will hear wildly differing interpretations.

James has a dry wit. I explained this to him and finished with, "So you can play this piece exactly how you want to."

Came the masterly reply, "How about really badly?"

------------------

I inevitably end up loving all my pupils - in my genes, I guess. Love a kid first and he/she will love you right back. This does not always happen immediately. I am shy. Kids can be shy. Put two shy people in a room together and conversation can be difficult. Even James and I took a few weeks to trust each others' reaction to thingies we said.

Occasionally, it is mutual love at first sight. Meet Poppy. The cartoon style hearts filled the room the moment she entered my room for the first time. She is a delight.

Poppy is 11 at the time of writing. She has an enormous zest for life. She dances several times a week and is always taking part in shows. She is a mad-keen gymnast who practices several times a week and enters competitions.

Poppy could be captain of the International Pointless Wittering team but far from being irritating, it is part of her charm. She does not do a lot of piano practise but fits it in when she can. More to the point is that she loves playing and loves her lessons. Her mum teaches at the school and has told me several times how much Poppy loves coming to me.

Poppy told me that her parents were going on a belated 40th celebration to Italy over the break, and that her grandad was travelling from Norfolk to look after her and her younger brother. She said, "I could look after him, you know. I am perfectly capable."

I replied, "I am sure you are darling, but leaving an 11 year old in charge of a 10 year old for nearly a week would land you parents in prison."

Poppy replied wistfully, "I know," then fiercely, "but I will have to do all the cooking. Granddad doesn't cook and I cannot live for a week on take aways."

--------

Besties Cade and Chloe (incidentally me and Chloe besties as well) entertained me just before the break. Cade had her usual Monday lesson but Chloe could not. The year group were taken to the nearby church for an Easter service and this cut out Chloe's lesson - which she did not want to miss.

Mum emailed to ask if I could give Chloe a lesson after school on Wednesday, which I happily agreed to. We had no senior choir because of Shrek and I had to hang around after school to wait for the performance, so great to have something to fill the gap with.

The girls hate going home on the school bus so one of their parents come to pick them up. This means that they have to hang around in school until the parent arrives so it came as no surprise when the they came to me earlier in the day. Chloe asked with total confidence in my reply, "Can Cade come with me after school, please?"

"Of course she can sweetheart."

A slightly more hesitant Cade asked, "Can I have a lesson as well, please?"

"Of course you can darling, and at no extra charge to your mum."

There is a problem with after school activities and it is this: they have to be fun for all concerned. The kids are not forced to be there. The staff are not forced to be there. Nobody is getting paid. So, imposing a class like discipline is entirely inappropriate and could come across to the kids as hostility. The only way Miss exerts any kind of control over the dingbats in senior choir is to move so quickly from one thing to another that the kids do not have time to play around.

This does not always work. Miss and I just go with the flow on these occasions and enjoy the lunacy. After all, these are sweet children playing, not thugs rioting. They do not have a malicious bone between them.

Come the after school session with Cade and Chloe, there was a lot of horsing around. I did occasionally manage to hold the attention of the incumbent of the piano stool for the 30 seconds or so to actually teach her something. OK, so not especially productive but great fun.

Also exhausting at the tail end of a long day with quite a lot still to go and in the middle of a long week. I needed a couple of minutes quiet time and so announced, "I need a loo stop angels, so play amongst yourselves for a couple of minutes."

I had already seen a couple of occasions when I had seen the girls stop short of what they were doing/saying. I could see them thinking, "Have we gone to far? Will he be cross?"

I re-entered the room to hear a muffled exchange that went along the lines of:
"Should we ask him that question we talked about earlier?"
"I don't know. It is a bit personal."
"What if it annoys him?"
"Don't know."

Finally, Chloe took a deep breath and asked, "Can we ask you a personal question, please?"

"Yes you can poppet. I will not answer if I do not want to. I will not be cross, I promise." I deeply resent that I can call kids by their first names whilst they have to address me as, "Sir," or "Mr Hopwood," so I can hardly object to sweet kids learning about me.

Chloe took another deep breath and asked, "How old are you? We think you are 16."

Honestly folks, on what planet does a child of 11 think that an ancient in his early 70's can be 16? The school goes up the the age of 18. I boggled at them for a few seconds. I recovered my wits finally and replied, "I am 71 and 72 in July."

Cade chimed in with, "But you only look 16." She was either deadly serious or an actress to put Masie and Georgi in the shade.

We carried on with the lesson/mayhem so come the end I decided on a bit of combined reassurance and revenge. I adopted a stern face and voice and announced sternly, "Serious talk time young ladies. Come and sit together on the table in front of me."

I took one of each of their hands in mine and glared at them. Their faces fell. I felt like a child killer. Then I smiled and said, "I know you have wondered occasionally if you have gone to far and might have upset or annoyed me."

Enthusiastic nods.

"I promise you angels that will never happen. You are beautiful children and I love your company. I will never shout at you."

"Now go away. I am sick of you."

Cade is the tallest of us all. She stood up, threw her arms around myself and Chloe and announced, "Group hug." Poor teensy Chloe got squished.

I think we could be in for a lot of entertainment from these two.

[SteveHopwood]

First day back at school after the Easter break.

During Shrek, Maisie (Donkey) had to hold the 'pinyada' pose. No idea what this is in reality but in the show it involved: sanding on her left leg with her right leg stuck out behind her with her arms in similar positions. Try standing on one leg for even a few seconds folks. It is difficult to do. Masie held the pose for about a minute during the final run. Incredible and so funny to see. It brought the house down.

I asked her today how she did it. She giggled, pointed to her tummy and replied, "Inner core strength. Plus, Shrek was being mean by making me hold on for as long as possible and there was no way I was going to give in."

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Julia, Little Lili and I loved our after school sessions for extra, free piano lessons. They had to stop in the build up to Shrek as we were called in all different directions for rehearsals.

I offered the girls a restart this week. Their reactions were identical. Beatific smile followed by the cutest, "Yes please," you could ever wish to hear. Their beam lit up our national grid for a couple of hours.

I responded to each of them with, "I thought you would say that sweetheart, so I bought the Buttons/Maltesers in advance over the weekend." Their beam was already lighting up our national grid so I merely received a complacent smile that said, "We know. It is what you do." Quite right to.

----------------

Joey and Megan are besties. Joey told me today that Megan could not come for a piano lesson so I told J that she could have M's slot.

I am working on the piano accompaniments for various kids' upcoming music theatre graded exams. The kids may be doing relatively low grades but the piano parts can be fiendish to play. There are times when I regret my decision to put the kids first for whatever remains of my career.

Joey is doing a MT exam recording soon, so we spent Megan's lesson rehearsing the songs. As usual, Joey sings one of them far faster than my ageing fingers are capable of accommodating. Hey ho. Time for some serious practice time.

------------

First day back after a break is not always easy for the kids trying to work out when they should attend their peri music lessons. OK, so we could argue that all they have to do is look on the notice board but the damn timetable has confused me since 2013 so I can hardly grumble when it confuses a child.

Not entirely sure why Chloe should be nervous when approaching me because: we are besties; she knows I worship her; she could break me if I threatened her but has vowed to protect me.

Fact is, a highly nervous Chloe appeared in the doorway accompanied by an over protective Cade saying, "Chloe wasn't sure when her lesson is."

I called out, "Come in, come in beautiful and much loved children. Chloe is here on time. You are next Cade."

Asked Cade, "Can I stay through Chloe's lesson please? I promise not to be disruptive."

I agreed (should not have done but I adore these kids). Cade proceeded to be a disruptive pain in the arse for the next 25 minutes (I stole 5 minutes of her lesson for Chloe).

I will not make that mistake again.

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Back having a blast with wonderful kids.

[SteveHopwood]

Oh boy but Julia and I managed a wonderful wind up of one of her friends this afternoon.

We had our first after school Thursday piano lessons today and I had supplied the girls with their Maltesers and Chocolate Buttons.

Brief digression. Lili came up first. My, "Wonderful to see you again darling" to her is followed by the obligatory hug. She leaned in for the hug and our heads met just as she crunched her first Malteser. It was a curious sensation.

Georgi has arranged a concert next week for some sort of extra-curricular qualification. She has managed to enlist the involvement of every kid in the performing arts department that I know, plus a fair few that I do not. None of these kids were forced or paid to take part. It was a, "Georgi wants it so enough said," scenario. The kids in this department are fantastic. They were having a long rehearsal today.

The bag of Buttons I bought for Julia was a tad on the vast side. She only has a teensy tummy. She managed half of it before surrendering and buying into the bag being a 'share bag' concept.

Kids involved in the rehearsal would wander in and out for various purposes. Julia would call out, "Have some buttons," and the kids would help themselves.

One young lady came in and asked, "I am not required for a while. Can I sit in here please?"

It transpired that her name is Maddie and that she is one of J & LL's friendship group. She sat down in what had been J's place whilst I was teaching LL. J said, "Help yourself to some Buttons." So she did. With gusto.

I am describing very, very, very sweet children who are horrified if they ever cause offence to an adult. They can be lethally mean when it comes to teasing each other.

Maddie suddenly stopped her assault on the Buttons and asked, "Whose are these Buttons?" An evil Julia slapped me underneath the piano keyboard where Maddie could not see to make sure I was awake and replied, "Mr Hopwood's."

An utterly aghast Maddie exclaimed, "So you have been letting me eat Mr Hopwood's Buttons?"

"Yes," I replied kindly. We were teasing after all, I am not in favour of reducing sweet 14 year olds to tears. Didn't stop Maddie being aghast though.

I looked at Evil Julia and asked, "Shall we put her out of her misery?"

J replied in the affirmative and called out to Maddie, "We are kidding. Mr Hopwood gifted them to me."

I confirmed to a highly relieved Maddie that this is what I do when J and LL stay behind after school for an extra piano lesson.

I said to J, "That was one of the best wind ups of the year. High five," and we high fived.

J called across to Maddie, "Finish them up Maddie." I added, "You have earned it." So she did, with relish.

There was much banter between the girls before I decided to escape home. Those of you who have daughters know how entertaining teen girl friends are when they are bantering. It is one of the loveliest thingies we can experience. It is a joy when it happens.